Saturday, February 28, 2015

Contentment


At Peace in My Life ~ Because of My Sanctuary ~ and All of The Goodness that came to me from the moment I stepped on the sand and let my little doggie off leash ~ We both became truly Free that Glorious Summer Day ~ I weep Tears of Joy now ~ and am so very, very grateful for all of the Blessings God has given me ~






Monday, February 23, 2015

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Friday, February 20, 2015

On Board


I took my second class last night and had to introduce myself to a new rabbi.

I told her about my community of Jewish friends and how I have been seriously thinking of converting to Judaism for the past two months.  I ended the introduction by saying I am on board to committing myself to two years of study to make this conversion dream come true.

She lovingly took the Torah out of the arc, describing the beautifully decorated curtain, the torah crown with little silver bells, and silver the hand pointer.

I stood there fascinated ~

And when she unrolled the Torah, describing how it takes one full year to create ~ when she took the hand pointer and found a passage to read ~ when she translated Hebrew for us ~ I got chills.

Another sign ~







Thursday, February 19, 2015

"Sunrise, Sunset"



Misted up on the corner of River and Water Streets today, remembering how Mama used to sing "Sunrise, Sunset" to me as a child.

"Fiddler on the Roof" was probably my first introduction to Jewish life, long before I read the "All of A Kind" family books or ever saw "Crossing Delancey."

That memory came to me a flashback nearly 45 years later, and I took it a as sign that Mama is proud of what I am doing.

Misting up all over again writing this right now.




 
Sunrise, sunset,
Sunrise, sunset,
Swiftly fly the years,
One season following another,
Laiden with happiness and tears ~


 

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Tranquility







"The positive vibrations 
of 
unregulated joy, peace, happiness, and tranquility
 is 
freedom."

~ T.F. Hodge 



Tuesday, February 17, 2015

A New Today



Our lives don't always turn out the way we thought they would, but they turn out the way they were supposed to be.

My blog of the past four-and-a-half years illustrates how I have brought myself to a new today after back-to-back losses and the unfortunate mistreatment by people who claimed to love me.

My healing journey has been incredible ~

And I could not be any more happier than I am today!!!







Honesty



It is so nice to be able to be completely natural and honest with another person.

To be completely myself ~

Such freedom is incredible ~




"I want to be an honest man and a good writer."

~ James A. Baldwin




Monday, February 16, 2015

Life is Sweet




"It is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones afterall."


~ Laura Ingalls Wilder




Friday, February 13, 2015

V.D.



It always dawns on me later why I feel so sad.

Twenty years since we sent your spirit out to sea.

Another holiday now with sad memories.

I try not to be sad, but it does explain why I do feel weepy today.

Miss you, Sweet Mama ~ 

I love you so ~


Thursday, February 12, 2015

Glory Daze




"Poetry and beauty are born out of pain.  This is their glory, this is our gain."

 ~ S. Tarr




Thank you for making me so damn happy!!!



Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Some Days


Some days are harder than others.

But I would rather go hungry at the end of the day than to ever be associated with the abusers of my past who took my money.

I don't want repayment.

I don't want amends.

I already got what I want.

Freedom.

And a new, better life.

Happiness with new friends.

A new community.





Uncensored 


Monday, February 9, 2015

Timeless



"This trip into time, this timeless embrace
I'm like a kid in a store
I'll always want more to taste"



 

~ From "This Moment in Time"
Writers: Ritchie Adams, Alan Bernstein 


Sunday, February 8, 2015

Saturday, February 7, 2015

Friday, February 6, 2015

Shine



"Be a magnet of love.  
Be the unique you with your Brilliance! 
Open your heart wide, radiate with its beams and shine on to others, from the inside out."


~ Angie Karan Krezos




Thursday, February 5, 2015

Glorious is Now



One of my earliest and most favorite blog posts is titled "Glorious" which took the reader through the twists and turns of my abusive relationship that originally had started out as "glorious."  "Glorious" has always been the ironic title of my future little book I have wanted to write about the four years I endured. 

But it dawned on me driving home tonight, that Glorious is Now.  Glorious is not the Summer of 2001.  Glorious is Now.


My whole life story changed in a heartbeat, and I have known for months now that I no longer want to write about my past abusive relationship.  That story has been told.

Glorious is Now.

Glorious is how I feel each day when I am treated with kindness and respect.

Glorious is finally trusting another person with every word I speak.

Glorious is laughing and smiling every day.

Glorious is the simplicity and beauty of my world.

Glorious is in my gaze.

And in my "just slightly" nervous banter.

Glorious is knowing that everything will be alright.

Because it already is.

Glorious is every tear that trickles down my cheek because of the happiness I feel.

Glorious are my thoughts.

Glorious are my dreams.

Glorious is Now. 










No More Shame



Finally surrounding myself with people who care about me, who don't play mind games, who don't try to "stir the pot" ~

There is no more shame in feeling what I want to feel, saying what I want to say, and ~ most of all ~ writing the truth about my life.

So, yes, I am still rebuilding my life after years of back-to-back situations in which I was mistreated ~ but the one last piece to my reconstruction does not involve emotional or physical scars ~ it does not involve anything truly personal ~ well, that material type of piece can be the topic of another story ~ as it was originally addressed years ago here in one of my most chilling posts, The Extortionist.

And despite the financial challenges that remain, my life is exactly where it needs to be right now.  I do with less, I spend far less, I even eat far less, but I have everything I need.  

Right here ~

Right now ~

Today ~



Integrity




Truthful

Trustworthy

Reliable

Decent

Credible

Honest

Gracious

Loyal








Wednesday, February 4, 2015

January was Beautiful


I remember when I was 15, I used to say that January and July were my lucky months.

Never has that youthful idea proven so true this past 7 months.  My life began to change July 2nd and has gotten better every day since that wonderful morning downtown.

January was Beautiful.

Everything in my whole life has fallen into place.  Slowly.  Naturally.  Peacefully.








Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Becoming Jewish


Never in my life have I felt more confident about a decision I have made.

Got the call today confirming my registration in the classes.

The past few weeks have been spent telling people my plans.

I still have some more family members to tell.

It is really the only reason I would love to get back on Facebook and make the big announcement.  But it is there that I wonder how my Christian friends and family across the miles will react.

I keep saying to myself, "I'm breaking up with Jesus," and then wonder how they will feel.

But I really don't feel like I am leaving one faith for another.

I feel like my whole life has led to this change.

And that I did not have to wait 40 years to change.

The rabbi commented on all the signs I had along the way.  All the Jewish people who shaped my childhood and young adulthood.  The most amazing chance meetings in random places.  

I thought back to the bus trip I took to Colorado when I was 21 in 1986 because I could not afford to go to New York, and then the whole tour group turned out to be Jewish New Yorkers.  I remember how they taught me all about Kosher eating ~ the special foods ~ the special preparation ~ even the special plates in separate areas of the cabinet.  I could have cared less about Colorado at that point ~ all I wanted to learn about was Jewish religion and culture and their lives in New York.

Becoming Jewish ~ my life has naturally evolved into this new direction, and I could not be more happier than I am in this moment in time.








Close My Eyes



And Smile...







Gem



Treasure

Precious

Wonder

One in a Million

Cherish







Monday, February 2, 2015

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Wishes


Some wishes really do come true.

I blew out three candles over my berry pie on my birthday last week and blurted out my wish to my family and friends.

Someone said, "Now it's not gonna come true.  You weren't supposed to tell us!"

"Oh, well!!!" I laughed, not believing her for a minute.

And so for the first time in 50 birthdays, my wish has come true.