#22Years

Maybe it's because I finally cried my final tear ~

Maybe it's because I see her cherubic face in my little grandniece and grandnephew ~

Maybe it's because he is in my life now ~

Because I can finally make peace with Christmas ~

I can finally walk into a store and not run right back out at the sight of the decorations ~

I can finally buy a gift for my father far in advance ~

I don't have to turn off the radio when I hear those familiar songs we played

By Her Bedside

During Those 3 1/2 days leading up to Christmas Day

So I turn the volume up now on those magical songs that take me back to my childhood

With Her and Dad ~

With Randy and Rhonda ~

And Andy Williams, Johnny Mathis, Nat King Cole, Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, and Bing Crosby

The Christmas Songs are playing in my head, and I am back in the kitchen on Olive Oak Way

Mom has begun her 3-day project of creating Gingerbread Men ~

I am 15, and we are recording a silly tape of our conversation ~ a tape we long ago sent to her friend in Texas ~

But I can still hear our voices, and I can still hear the album we kept playing over and over again ~
 
A Frank Sinatra/Bing Crosby album with a dream-like instrumental sequence in the middle ~

Bright lights, warm oven, cold gingerbread dough...and Mom

Mom in All Her Glory ~

Alive, vibrate, warm and fuzzy all over again ~

She shares the Season with Me

This time with Smiles not Tears ~

I Remember Mama, and I Remember Christmas ~

I remember The Love, The Laughter ~

I remember 1980, the cream-colored tiled kitchen ~ and Gingerbread Men ~

I remember Christmas Day 1994 when we lost her at 2:07 p.m. ~

And I remember the 21 Christmases without her ~ 

I remember each tear I shed each of those 21 Christmases and just how I felt in the moment that I shed them ~

Maybe it's because it's been 22 years ~

Maybe it's because I feel her even more close by this Tender Time of Year ~

That the 22nd Christmas will be Joyful ~

 ~ I Remember Mama ~

Joy Ride

30 years here until I met you

Three decades ~

Waiting ~

Weaving ~

in and out of each other lives

Without even knowing it

Perhaps you passed me on the beach on the way to the cement ship or yielded the right of way to me on Clubhouse Drive ~

We know you were there on those Sunny Spring Days of ‘95

At Harvey West Park ~ cheering on the White Sox ~ Little Josh ~ playing baseball along side with your dear friend’s son

Those Frosty Nights of ‘98

Clapping for Josh ~ “The Freshman” ~ slam dunking the ball in the Santa Cruz High gym

Listening to Rhonda screech, “Defense, Defense!!!”

And there you were when we both searched for our future dog sons

The Capitola Mall ~ The Little Adoption Center

I petted Little Beacon ~ now Satchel ~ and his fur brothers and sisters ~ 

But I had yet to meet his future Furdaddy

So it took a couple of dogs and an SPCA hoodie to finally bring us together

Route 10 ~ April 2012 ~ This Time I Remember You

And your Magical Smile ~

"Do you work for the SPCA?” you asked jovially.

“No, but I just adopted a little dog there!” I answered with a grin.

I remember your kindness, your enthusiasm, your ability to listen and ask questions

Two Little Dogs and a Little Dog Beach ~

And Countless Joy Rides in between

You’ve graced my life with goodness, sweetness, happiness ~

Love, Kindness, Compassion

You’ve changed my life with your tender ways, your wacky humor, your solid presence

Your complete acceptance of me ~ Your Goofy Girl ~ now 50 years old and counting
  

A little girl waits and dreams ~ giving up so many of those dreams ~

then reaches out ~ 

fearlessly ~

Grasping onto that one last dream ~

finally realizing that the dream was there all along ~

just waiting to be found ~

 

“If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with.”

~  L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz