Losing Dickens

It comes back to haunt me ~ all that I've lost ~ every time I think of him.

Lil' Dickens, my precious boy.

One last bit of power and control the ex had over me.

Keeping Lil' Dickens and then letting him migrate to the next door neighbor's house a year later.

I kept that dream alive of visiting him again one day.  But with lack of transportation or anyone willing to take me up there ~ and most of all, my fear of my abuser seeing me in town ~ kept me away.

And now he will move 3000 miles away.

He always said that Lil' Dickens went next door because I stopped visiting.  And now ~ after seven years ~ I do believe him.

He went looking for his mommy ~ the woman who loved him ever since he was just a 3" ball of fur ~ he wondered where I went ~ why I did not come to see him ~ to have him curl up on my chest and take a nap ~ to have him record his purr.

I was gone.

Lil' Dickens, I am sorry.

I am sorry to have left.

But I had to ~ in order to save my own life.

I could not fight for you because it was too dangerous to stay in touch.

I had to accept his one last ditch effort at complete power and control over me.

I speak to you in my thoughts ~ I see you in my dreams ~ I hold you tight to my heart ~

Lil' Dickens, my precious boy ~

Lil' Dickens and Me