#22Years

Maybe it's because I finally cried my final tear ~

Maybe it's because I see her cherubic face in my little grandniece and grandnephew ~

Maybe it's because he is in my life now ~

Because I can finally make peace with Christmas ~

I can finally walk into a store and not run right back out at the sight of the decorations ~

I can finally buy a gift for my father far in advance ~

I don't have to turn off the radio when I hear those familiar songs we played

By Her Bedside

During Those 3 1/2 days leading up to Christmas Day

So I turn the volume up now on those magical songs that take me back to my childhood

With Her and Dad ~

With Randy and Rhonda ~

And Andy Williams, Johnny Mathis, Nat King Cole, Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, and Bing Crosby

The Christmas Songs are playing in my head, and I am back in the kitchen on Olive Oak Way

Mom has begun her 3-day project of creating Gingerbread Men ~

I am 15, and we are recording a silly tape of our conversation ~ a tape we long ago sent to her friend in Texas ~

But I can still hear our voices, and I can still hear the album we kept playing over and over again ~
 
A Frank Sinatra/Bing Crosby album with a dream-like instrumental sequence in the middle ~

Bright lights, warm oven, cold gingerbread dough...and Mom

Mom in All Her Glory ~

Alive, vibrate, warm and fuzzy all over again ~

She shares the Season with Me

This time with Smiles not Tears ~

I Remember Mama, and I Remember Christmas ~

I remember The Love, The Laughter ~

I remember 1980, the cream-colored tiled kitchen ~ and Gingerbread Men ~

I remember Christmas Day 1994 when we lost her at 2:07 p.m. ~

And I remember the 21 Christmases without her ~ 

I remember each tear I shed each of those 21 Christmases and just how I felt in the moment that I shed them ~

Maybe it's because it's been 22 years ~

Maybe it's because I feel her even more close by this Tender Time of Year ~

That the 22nd Christmas will be Joyful ~

 ~ I Remember Mama ~