No More Shame

Finally surrounding myself with people who care about me, who don't play mind games, who don't try to "stir the pot" ~

There is no more shame in feeling what I want to feel, saying what I want to say, and ~ most of all ~ writing the truth about my life.

So, yes, I am still rebuilding my life after years of back-to-back situations in which I was mistreated ~ but the one last piece to my reconstruction does not involve emotional or physical scars ~ it does not involve anything truly personal ~ well, that material type of piece can be the topic of another story ~ as it was originally addressed years ago here in one of my most chilling posts, The Extortionist.

And despite the financial challenges that remain, my life is exactly where it needs to be right now.  I do with less, I spend far less, I even eat far less, but I have everything I need.  

Right here ~

Right now ~

Today ~

Integrity

Truthful

Trustworthy

Reliable

Decent

Credible

Honest

Gracious

Loyal

January was Beautiful

I remember when I was 15, I used to say that January and July were my lucky months.

Never has that youthful idea proven so true this past 7 months.  My life began to change July 2nd and has gotten better every day since that wonderful morning downtown.

January was Beautiful.

Everything in my whole life has fallen into place.  Slowly.  Naturally.  Peacefully.

Becoming Jewish

Never in my life have I felt more confident about a decision I have made.

Got the call today confirming my registration in the classes.

The past few weeks have been spent telling people my plans.

I still have some more family members to tell.

It is really the only reason I would love to get back on Facebook and make the big announcement.  But it is there that I wonder how my Christian friends and family across the miles will react.

I keep saying to myself, "I'm breaking up with Jesus," and then wonder how they will feel.

But I really don't feel like I am leaving one faith for another.

I feel like my whole life has led to this change.

And that I did not have to wait 40 years to change.

The rabbi commented on all the signs I had along the way.  All the Jewish people who shaped my childhood and young adulthood.  The most amazing chance meetings in random places.  

I thought back to the bus trip I took to Colorado when I was 21 in 1986 because I could not afford to go to New York, and then the whole tour group turned out to be Jewish New Yorkers.  I remember how they taught me all about Kosher eating ~ the special foods ~ the special preparation ~ even the special plates in separate areas of the cabinet.  I could have cared less about Colorado at that point ~ all I wanted to learn about was Jewish religion and culture and their lives in New York.

Becoming Jewish ~ my life has naturally evolved into this new direction, and I could not be more happier than I am in this moment in time.

Close My Eyes

And Smile...

Gem

Treasure

Precious

Wonder

One in a Million

Cherish

Natural

Real

Honest

Sincere

Authentic

Pure

Radiant

Genuine

True