But as I pack up my desk and download my files, I realize that it's really over. It's over and done with ~ my time spent here ~ it's finally over ~ the two month limbo has come to an end ~ and I really have to leave.
But just now I realized that I have been saved in a different way at the eleventh hour. I had a fleeting scare last night that I might be next on my ex's list of whom to stalk. The fleeting scare kept me up half the night with insomnia. Realizing I was farther up the food chain of his most recent exes, I suddenly realized that there will never be a threat of him contacting me at work anymore. I never gave him my personal line at this office, and although he once admitted to calling the front desk and talking to my colleague about some random university subject when I was not the one to answer the main line. But in the back of my head, I wondered if he could walk in the door one day or follow me home after work.
Now I am gone, and he will never know where I work or where I live. How freeing.
The first thing everyone said to me when I got laid off is now I should become a writer. My writing has been put on hold this spring and summer with this layoff ordeal. But halfway through the ordeal, I kept envisioning myself reading my stories to other women in need. To help them see that it is possible to finally get free. It may take months and even years, but freedom is within reach.
I see myself reading to another type of audience who can also donate money to help victims and survivors of domestic violence. I want the benefactors to see the face of a woman who succeeded after utilizing the services of the Walnut Ave Women's Center. That I got out and that enough time has passed that I can finally share my story in the way my sister once did to help the Center. I envision a fundraiser with me as the guest speaker.
I see myself standing at the podium. I hear my voice reading "August 22, 2003" and "Yes, Sir" and trying not to break down from tears from reliving the darkest days of my life.
The Eleventh Hour will come on Monday, and my job will not be saved.
But I will be saved in ways I never imagined were possible.
Uncensored
