Magic

"Where there is kindness, there is goodness, and where there is goodness, there is magic." 

(*from Ella's mother in "Cinderella" 2015)


There is magic
in
his silly grin

There is magic
in
his dancing eyes

There is magic
in 
his playful banter

There is magic
in
his tender voice

There is magic
in
how I feel
truly
Authentic
and
Free
to be me
whenever
I
am
with
him 

 

The Blog's Gone Happy!!!

What started out as a way to process my lingering grief for my dear mother and then by the second story turned into a journey of domestic violence advocacy ~ has now become a way to celebrate my new found happiness ~ my serenity ~ my peace ~ my calm ~ my sanctuary ~ my muse ~

I am amazed at how happy my blog posts are now ~

I was on the bus yesterday, and this lovely young lady who I knew said, "You've changed." 

"Yes, I have," I told her, "I am happier."

"How did this happen?" she asked, "You look great!"

And I wanted to point the man at the helm and say, "It's all because of him."

My Serenity

I say goodbye until we meet again ~

Thanking you for helping me

this delicate time of year ~

Lean in the window ~

Smile ~

then softly say,

"You are my serenity."

 

Can't Stop Smiling

I see you coming toward me from the distance ~

Just like I always do ~

                                      Little Dog Prancing ~

                                      Beside you ~

And for a moment, I squint to make sure It's really you ~

Just like I always do ~

                                    And of course It's ~

                                       You ~

                       

You are Here

And I can't stop smiling ~

The Edge of The Wave

The edge of the wave ~

Looking toward the shore ~

While living day to day ~

Releasing all fear ~

Embracing change ~

Embracing excitement ~

Embracing adventure ~

Embracing happiness ~

 

Enchantment

"Don't stop to bargain for happiness, for in one wasted moment, a door may close, a ship may sail, a train may leave, a man may die."  

   

~ David Niven (as General Sir Roland Dane) in "Enchantment"       

Right Here

                                                           

"Right Here"

by

Jeremy Camp

All the world is watching

All the world does care

Even when the world weighs on my shoulder now

These feelings I can bare

Because I know

That you're here

Everywhere I go

I know you're not far away

You're right here

You're right here, yeah yeah

Well, everywhere I go

I know you're not far away

You're right here

You're right here, yeah yeah

All these thoughts I've wasted

All these thoughts I feared

Even when these thoughts have faded

I still know that you hear

So I can rest

My hope in you

Well, everywhere I go

I know you're not far away

You're right here

You're right here, yeah yeah

Well, everywhere I go

I know you're not far away

You're right here

You're right here, yeah yeah

Many of times that I have felt alone

Many of times that I have felt the world was crashing down upon me

You always stood here by my side

And you were always there

'Cause everywhere I go

I know you're not far away

You're right here

You're right here, yeah yeah

Everywhere I go

I know you're not far away

You're right here

You're right here, yeah yeah

Everywhere I go

I know you're not far away

You're right here

You're right here, yeah yeah

Real Time

I get to

see you ~

know you ~

enjoy you ~

in Real Time

I get to greet you in the morning ~

and say goodbye to you each night ~

I don't need to call you

or text you

to make plans

I know I just I will see you there

whenever you want to be there

My dog will watch the stairs

and I will turn ~ instinctively ~

glance upwards

recognize your orange hat

your black hoodie with the torn pocket

your robust arms

and your little dog

Smile

and Remember

it's really all about

Real Time

Healing from The Healer

There was a moment on the beach this weekend when I asked myself, "How do I heal from The Healer?"

This extraordinary person who ~ without even trying ~ healed me.

I thought I would never get through that summer.

But I did.

And with each footstep I took on that beach ~ with each word that was shared ~ with each laugh that echoed amongst each wave ~ I healed.

I healed as the sun streamed down on my face ~ walking back and forth ~ playing joyfully with the dogs ~ 

            Life became so much simpler ~ so much sweeter.  I was happy again.

Summer turned to fall, and my confidence in myself grew.  There was no more shame from words once spat at me last spring.  Those words from another person were a distant memory now.  My self-esteem that was once shredded now blossomed again.  

I was healed.

This incredible soul ~ this incredible spirit ~ had healed me.

But for one weekend, I felt the loss of that healing spirit.

"How do I heal from The Healer?" I wondered.  

Healing from The Healer ~

The Healer ~

I cried, I prayed, I cried some more.

I walked that beach for hours ~ in fits of rain ~ then rays of sunshine.  The little dog and I.  This time alone.

I cried, I prayed, I cried some more.

Then felt the surge of a large wave crashing towards me.  Holding on to my little dog ~ keeping both feet steady in the submerged sand ~ remaining calm with nothing to hold onto but him.   

"How do I heal from The Healer?" I whispered, "How do I walk this beach alone?" 

I let go in that moment and trusted the path ~ the journey ~ I was on ~ 

And The Healer remained.

Happy to see me, talk with me, laugh with me.

The sea is calm today ~

                                       Life is serene ~

                                                                 And I am healed.

"You can be an agent for healing another 

by simply being present with them consciously and patiently."

~ J. J. Goldwag

Easy to Love

"Paddington loves you ~ he loves you so much."

"Yes, I know," he says softly, smiling down at my little dog.

"That's because you are so easy to love."

Tears

Tears ~

          of

              Joy

I cry

       and

               feel

Happiness

                  sprinkling

                                   across 

                                               My Sunburned Cheeks

Close my eyes

                      Look up

                         to

                     The Sun

                                  and

                                         Smile ~

Precious

He is larger than life.

And yet so humble ~

A humble man, a gentle soul who fills my world with ~ kindness.

This joyful man who makes me feel like I matter.

Who listens and asks questions ~

Who ~ with one sweet little smile ~ erases ~ the pain I once felt.

Hit Submit

Hit submit on my first domestic violence advocate application. Felt just like I did when I wrote my first blog story that first hinted about my past. Felt just like I did when I first Broke My Silence on Domestic Violence. November 3, 2010. Tears began to flow, and I had to step away to look at the ocean. To speak to my mother. Each of those 50+ survival stories felt like I was giving birth to their creation. To bringing myself one step closer to the life I live today. Where life is precious and pure and sweet.

Uncensored

Shredded

He nearly took it all.


Every ounce of my self-esteem.


Instead he shredded it slowly ~ day after day ~ week after week ~ month after month.


First came the corrections.


Apparently, I was unable to pronounce many words correctly and needed to be told over and over again how to pronounce them.


College educated in English ~ a writer for years ~ and yet I still needed to be told how to pronounce words correctly.


Then came the judgments.  My anxiety apparently ranked farther down than his depression, and I had to be reminded how unstable I was.  That he did not think he wanted to be with someone who was "unstable."  That he could easily find someone else to love.


Then came the body.  He kept trying to find new ways to call me fat.


"We are both getting fat."


"Is that a bun in your oven?" he asked while patting my middle-age belly.


"I can hear the swish-swish sound your jeans make when your thighs rub together."


I still hear his voice when I put on a pretty dress and look down and see my belly.


"We are both getting fat."


"Is that a bun in your oven?"


I need to get his voice out of my head.  His face out of my dreams.  The memories erased from my mind.


I need to get back to the woman I was before I met him.


Confident.  Worthy.  A woman who loves herself.


The echoes of my past haunt me.


His words were like claws, and they shredded my well-being.  Shredded the goodness I once felt inside.  Shredded the beauty I once saw when I looked in the mirror.