Mama, I Miss You

Mama, it's been 17 Mother's Days without you.  I have been thinking about you even more this Mother's Day.

The passing of time makes my loss of you seem even more permanent.  The passage of time makes me realize how close in age Rhonda and I are now to the age you were when you died.  The passage of time makes me realize that "the boys" are now fully grown men ~ those precious grandsons who still remember "Their Ma" in all her glory ~ so much that your memory has been tattooed on their forearms.

Dear Mama, I cry about you when I ride the bus.  I mist up at the sights of Santa Cruz and how all our dreams came true when Dad moved us to our annual vacation destination 30 years ago this year.  I am so sorry you were only here for 12 of those years.  The Summer of '82 was so magical for all of us as we explored every nook and cranny of Santa Cruz County.  How we celebrated the drifting fog in glorious Rio Del Mar.  How we became a hotel for that summer as everyone wanted to visit us.

So much time has passed without you.  I thought about how we do go on with our lives and are not sad as much yet tears are streaming down my face as I write this letter to you.  Oh, how I wish the cancer had not taken you away from us so soon.  I still question it all and wonder why I had to lose my dear mother so young.

I thank you for all that you have given me just by being my mother.  Mostly I thank you for the strength you instilled in me ~ to give me the courage to go on despite life's obstacles.  So many more obstacles that I faced in the years since you have been gone.

I feel your presence around me on a daily basis, and I treasure the spiritual relationship I have with you now.  I blow kisses to the ocean each time I see a peek.  I know you feel my love.

Thank you, Mama, for being my mother, for loving me, and for being my best friend.

Mama, I miss you ~

All my love,

Your Grateful Daughter

Mama and Her Infamous Castle Cake

Randy's 4th Birthday ~ May 10, 1970