Proximity

So many times I have wondered if my life would have turned out differently if I had never moved to San Lorenzo Valley.

I found a cheap cabin-style apartment in Ben Lomond in the Summer of 2000, the same month I got my first job at the university.

Less than a year later, it was in the dirt parking lot of that same complex that I met him.  He had actually been dating a neighbor of mine.  And little did I know that he was watching me all along. 

My neighbor Penny was closer to his age as he was nearly 17 years older than me.  She did not tell me much about him except that he was hot and cold about seeing her at times, and at other times, he would talk with her about leaving the valley and buying a motorhome together to travel the country.

I soon learned that my neighbor was some version of an alcoholic and also addicted to prescription medication.  She would always talk about this other guy that I should date, my future abuser's sidekick who was closer to my age. 

And so my connection to The Bad Man began with us each dating each other's "friends".

I only went out with the other guy a few times, but he lived in a trailer on The Bad Man's property.  And during the few times I would visit, my date's "landlord" and friend would always come knocking.

By the third time he interrupted our visit, I found myself uncomfortably intrigued by the older guy all dressed up in leather, standing with his hand on his hip right outside the trailer.  I could not explain it, but I was suddenly more enchanted by him than the new guy I was dating.  I did not really think anything about it at the time.  I did not realize that proximity had brought us together in two locations now ~ with two connections in common ~ and it was just a matter of time before my fate would be sealed.

Looking back, I now wonder if I was already being stalked by The Bad Man.  He would show up in places where I ran errands.  I was walking back home from the Ben Lomond Market, and suddenly here he was by the side of the road on Highway 9 in his fancy Black Mustang.  He called me over, and to this day, I just wish I would have waved him on ~

But naive and trusting of men I still was at 36 1/2 that I poked my head in the passenger window to see what he had to say.  He asked me to get in the car.  He needed to talk about the woman he was dating ~ my neighbor Penny ~ about a problem they were having ~ I think she said she did not want to see him anymore ~ what should he do, he asked ~ he needed my advice desperately.

I do not remember what I even said.  But I know I did not get in his car.  I  kept telling him I had to go ~ that my ice cream was melting ~ Oh, yes, he agreed, then I should go, he did not want my ice cream to melt.

But then he asked me for a hug.  He wanted to see if it felt different than the other girls, he pleaded with me.  I could not believe what I was hearing.  I really needed to get away.  Fast.  He scared me with his comments ~ his words which had a visual effect in my lonely mind. 

I think I said that as long as he was going to try to work things out with my neighbor, then I really should not be giving him any hugs.

She ended up moving away that summer.  Very abruptly.  I never heard from her again. 

But I heard from him. 

By this time, the other guy ~ his "tenant" ~ the one who only saw women for less than four dates ~ well, naturally he no longer wanted to see me after the third date ~ I had not even dated him for a couple of months by now.

So I was open and willing to try again.  In those twenty years of being single between my high school boyfriend and meeting my abuser, I never once gave up hope that I would find someone to share my life with at some point.  I was getting older, but the romantic side of me did not care that I was nearing middle age.

Would my life have turned out differently if I had never moved to San Lorenzo Valley?  If I had never befriended the alcoholic, drug-addicted neighbor?  If I had never gone out with the friend of the guy she was dating?

Or would The Bad Man have found me somewhere else?  Maybe at Pergie's in downtown Santa Cruz where he loved to hang out?  Maybe at the Pizza 9 or Coffee 9 right in Ben Lomond?  Would my destiny had been the same if I had never met him through them?

These are the thoughts that have filled my head for the last 10 years since he wove his way into my life in the Summer of 2001 and stayed right there until the Summer of 2005.

I found out later that another neighbor had told Penny that I ended up with him.  And instead of being upset that I now dated the man she had left, she said, "Oh, No!"

She was worried for me.

And it suddenly dawned on me that Penny kept her secret from me.  That she was being abused.  I could barely believe what this guy was saying that my friendly neighbor ~ who had shared her struggle with alcohol and pain medication addiction with me ~ was now worried for me and my safety. 

And I knew.  I just knew.  I finally knew why she moved to New York.