Death Row

You ask me why I never left.  I recently told my domestic violence advocate that it was safer to remain on death row.  Despite the abuse, I could at least see my family.  I could still take care of my diabetic cat.  I chose to remain on death row until he finally broke up with me.  He needs to feel in control, and every time I spoke of leaving or began to make plans to rent a new place, he got angrier and angrier.  His anger scared me.  His death threats scared me.  Death row prolonged the abuse, but it also prolonged the possibility of death.  At any moment, my number could be called.  My time could be up.  His anger could escalate, and the final blow to my head would be fatal.  There were days when I would think, “I wonder if this will be the day I will die.” 

                                                                                                                                              

~ July 18, 2005