Returned to a room that frightened me ~
Lights dimmed like candles ~
Labored breaths softened like whispers ~
I crouched beside her bed, longing desperately to crawl inside and snuggle up beside her just like I used to do after I had a bad dream.
But this time the dream was real. There would be no moment to escape ~ to shake myself awake. I had to wait for the ending. To wait for my mother to die.
"Merry Christmas, Mama," I whispered through my tears, "It's Christmas."
She wanted to come home for Christmas. But Christmas came to Room 314B. Nothing ~ not even cancer spread thick between her lungs and bones ~ could stop her from celebrating with us ~ spending one last Christmas with us ~ The Last Best Christmas ~
Mama loved Christmas. She planned for it all year. From the day after Christmas sales to the mail order catalog packages arriving each month to our doorstep, she toiled merrily like an elf, stacking each brown box in the corner of her room and scribbling down the hidden contents onto her Christmas list with her red and green Christmas pens.
A couple of weeks before Christmas, I suggested, "We could wrap your presents together ~ right here on your beside table."
"Oh, no," she insisted, "I'll be home for Christmas."
But Christmas snuck past the hospital security guard and swept through the hospital corridors. Christmas wallpapered the walls with wall-to-wall greeting cards. Christmas glistened from the branches of the little tree my sister spray painted white because she could not afford to have it flocked.
Christmas flowed through bittersweet tears trickling down Mama's cheeks as her youngest child ~ her precious son ~ sang his favorite song for her ~
Christmas flowed through bittersweet tears trickling down Mama's cheeks as her youngest child ~ her precious son ~ sang his favorite song for her ~
Christmas spoke to us with each blink of Mama's sea-colored eyes ~ once for "Yes", twice for "No" ~ as we each shared our favorite Christmas memories with her ~
Christmas embraced us as we each chose a part of her face to kiss goodbye all at the same time ~
Christmas warmed us as we opened the curtains and left the sun shining on her ~
Christmas comforted us when she left us that Sunny Christmas Day ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ Originally Published in the Santa Cruz Sentinel ~ December 24, 2000 ~
No comments:
Post a Comment